This is my first published stretch of blog that was
long overdue.Well, it stems from the fact that i wait to fill by the
brink and then pour it out on intuition.So, finally the long wait is
over.
Some days are so thought provoking you could write some magnanimous novels in your mind.
Some days are so thought provoking you could write some magnanimous novels in your mind.
"If
it gives you clarity,you should write", i remember shabari making a
statement last night.I totally being in agreement with her, giving it a
shot at the earliest.
Be Careful What You Ask For, You Might Get It !
Okay,so
as i turned my back after helping her out with creating a nice
presentable profile over a matrimonial site for my elder brother for a
suitable bride through internet,she calls me back to ask if i would mind
having one too over that same uncomfortable looking site...umm..atleast
after that call it started seeming quite uncomfortable.I replied after a
good 3-4 second's break with affirmation, not realizing the slow turn
of wheels that started moving in succession.One wheel started moving the
other like all those had been made to work together for one big nerve
wracking timeline breakthrough.I forgot what i was supposed to do the
next...i think i was watching some series on television and enjoying it
with freshly out hot bowl of pop corns from microwave.
I thought..so it is arranged marriage for me then.Not that i always vied for a love marriage but preferred anyway over an arranged one.With a few romantic disappointments that made life interesting looking back at the foot prints i left, i was not sure i would make any love story hence forth.Definitely not on purpose.I decided to take on life as it comes in terms of marriage or life partner.Not realizing that the wheels had started their work already, i sub consciously had started fetching for the love interests in men finally,after that long forgotten first love.
THE LUNCH BOX AFFAIR:
He,now a mechanical engineer in a reputed company, was a year older to me and in my cousin brother's class, class of standard 7th.7th B it was,just beside my class of 6th J.I had been mercilessly transferred from 5th G to 6th J,reason being not a computer student or else i could have gone to 6th A, the smartest of all divisions on the basis of my marks.But as cosmos would have it, i got into 6th J.
Everday i would take this cute tiffin to my cousin's class since it got ready only after he left for the scholarship class that he was enrolled for.Mr.First Love was enrolled too.He sat on the first bench nearest to the door. So mostly when i came with the LUNCH BOX i would hand it to that brown eyed first bencher, with an affectionate smile.That is how it all got started.I being the daring one,went with a kuch kuch hota hai-friendship band on a friendship day, which he very rudely refused.Holding my tears inside..without letting out a single drop i rushed to my school bus waiting for me to come.I boarded the school bus with that empty comfortable seat waiting to have me with sympathetic softness.I felt like the biggest opening window of the bus was not letting me breathe.I was still finding the right tempo to breathe in & out.Cut to next year, he came to me with a confrontation cum proposal of sharing the love.That made for the first love affair of my life.
IT DID NOT EVEN LAST A WEEK:
I turned it down with a break up in a week's time.I was way too hurt to take him back in my heart.By saying yes to his proposal a week before i felt like a winner but certainly not a humble winner,I had taken a revenge.I wanted to show him the wrath of refusal.Refusal for an unknown reason.Undisclosed i went away hinting the break up to him.He being a thorough gentleman already did not ask for a reason.I had the last laugh.Then,I was the most competitive person i ever knew.I don't know if it was cruel back then but the love & affection was as true as my revenge was,which he had pushed away when i walked to him with my heart to give away.
I realized how bitter i can get when turned away from the things I want to devote myself to.Bitter like a scorpion. My ascendent sign is a scorpion.Scorpion who bites even just before he himself is about to bite the dust.
EARLIER
I had this puppy crush on my best friend who was a cricketing freak.For the longest time of my childhood, I could remember the birth date of just 1 person outside my family members & it was him.I had to find out whether he too had a liking towards this girl who kept staring him all day long, while in 5th std.But she never even made an effort to come up and speak , but one fine day. She came asking for his notebook so that she could make up for the lost part of the syllabus missed by her a few days ago.He said he has not got the mentioned notebook, he lied.He never entertained any girl other than his sister,me & my girl gang.I was his confidante.We spoke the same language, we completed each other's sentences & progressed even further to just speak with passing looks over a statement.I had found the closest boy pal in my life.How could i not feel the puppy love for him,that was just not possible.I remember dwelling on the dialogue from kuch kuch hota hai -
"EK LADKA AUR LADKI KABHI DOST NAHI HO SAKTE"
I thought..so it is arranged marriage for me then.Not that i always vied for a love marriage but preferred anyway over an arranged one.With a few romantic disappointments that made life interesting looking back at the foot prints i left, i was not sure i would make any love story hence forth.Definitely not on purpose.I decided to take on life as it comes in terms of marriage or life partner.Not realizing that the wheels had started their work already, i sub consciously had started fetching for the love interests in men finally,after that long forgotten first love.
THE LUNCH BOX AFFAIR:
He,now a mechanical engineer in a reputed company, was a year older to me and in my cousin brother's class, class of standard 7th.7th B it was,just beside my class of 6th J.I had been mercilessly transferred from 5th G to 6th J,reason being not a computer student or else i could have gone to 6th A, the smartest of all divisions on the basis of my marks.But as cosmos would have it, i got into 6th J.
Everday i would take this cute tiffin to my cousin's class since it got ready only after he left for the scholarship class that he was enrolled for.Mr.First Love was enrolled too.He sat on the first bench nearest to the door. So mostly when i came with the LUNCH BOX i would hand it to that brown eyed first bencher, with an affectionate smile.That is how it all got started.I being the daring one,went with a kuch kuch hota hai-friendship band on a friendship day, which he very rudely refused.Holding my tears inside..without letting out a single drop i rushed to my school bus waiting for me to come.I boarded the school bus with that empty comfortable seat waiting to have me with sympathetic softness.I felt like the biggest opening window of the bus was not letting me breathe.I was still finding the right tempo to breathe in & out.Cut to next year, he came to me with a confrontation cum proposal of sharing the love.That made for the first love affair of my life.
IT DID NOT EVEN LAST A WEEK:
I turned it down with a break up in a week's time.I was way too hurt to take him back in my heart.By saying yes to his proposal a week before i felt like a winner but certainly not a humble winner,I had taken a revenge.I wanted to show him the wrath of refusal.Refusal for an unknown reason.Undisclosed i went away hinting the break up to him.He being a thorough gentleman already did not ask for a reason.I had the last laugh.Then,I was the most competitive person i ever knew.I don't know if it was cruel back then but the love & affection was as true as my revenge was,which he had pushed away when i walked to him with my heart to give away.
I realized how bitter i can get when turned away from the things I want to devote myself to.Bitter like a scorpion. My ascendent sign is a scorpion.Scorpion who bites even just before he himself is about to bite the dust.
EARLIER
I had this puppy crush on my best friend who was a cricketing freak.For the longest time of my childhood, I could remember the birth date of just 1 person outside my family members & it was him.I had to find out whether he too had a liking towards this girl who kept staring him all day long, while in 5th std.But she never even made an effort to come up and speak , but one fine day. She came asking for his notebook so that she could make up for the lost part of the syllabus missed by her a few days ago.He said he has not got the mentioned notebook, he lied.He never entertained any girl other than his sister,me & my girl gang.I was his confidante.We spoke the same language, we completed each other's sentences & progressed even further to just speak with passing looks over a statement.I had found the closest boy pal in my life.How could i not feel the puppy love for him,that was just not possible.I remember dwelling on the dialogue from kuch kuch hota hai -
"EK LADKA AUR LADKI KABHI DOST NAHI HO SAKTE"
BUT THEN
A day prior to raksha bandhan, I had fought with him over that girl who stared him happily. I started the fight with teasing him over her affection and he got so irritated that he slapped me in fury.I for the first time in my life cried in school, never before did i cry in my school.And now all i remember is, the next day of raksha bandhan when teacher asked all the girls to tie rakhi to a boy they preferred,
I TIED HIM RAKHI & KEPT MUM THE WHOLE DAY-WENT HOME AND SKIPPED MY POST-SCHOOL TUITIONS.I LOVED GOING TO MY TUITIONS.
I told him about this side of my story some 3 years ago.I am 27 now. So it took me some 13-14 years to disclose my possesive love over my crush i had in 5th standard.This time too,my ego got the better of me.It was just a disclosure of a secret i kept, the obsession and love had died the day i tied him that rakhi.I stay true to my words. ALWAYS. And stick to my stand over the actions i took.ALWAYS.
I don't remember being unreasonable to anyone or anything, i always had a reason,even when i was just 10 years old.Reasons could have been harsh or subtle, fair or unfair to the other person, but they were my reasons & they needed no approval then.For your information,
I AM A TRUE BLUE CAPRICORN.
Later,in architecture college, I had a crush over this brash seeming boy.I uncovered him being the son of an ex- gangster.That was enough for me to wrap the story like a locked door and forgotten chapter.
NOW :
After 4 years past graduating with degree in architecture, I get asked by my mother if there has been anybody on my mind and i say no. Next, I get asked if I too want to get a profile made on a matrimonial site like my brother.
Be Careful What You Ask For, You Might Get It !
I ASKED FOR LOVE:
It
was a lazy sunday, when my brother asked me if would like to join him
for some shopping.He was planning to buy nice ear phones at this place
in Irla.i got a pair of glares and earphones and he too got a great pair
of earphones.To my surprise he offered to pay for my earphones too, I
obliged in amazement.
He
asked me if i would want to tag along with him and his friends to kala
ghoda festival after a dog show at bandra.I agreed, for i had no other
plan but to go home and sleep after reading the same boring newspaper
filled with bollywood germ.
We
stopped at Vile parle to pick his friend who's friend's dog was suppose
to participate in that dog show at Stanislaus school in Bandra.
HE,
opened the door of our car with his jacket on his arm saying "mom
always gets the sign that i would be returning home late when i take my
jacket along" & sat fiddling with his phone after our quick
introduction done by my brother.They kept sulking over how late we have
gotten already to reach bandra for that dog's competition on time.But
settled later with let's see. The dog owner friend kept calling the
jacket owner concerned by the whereabouts.
JACKET
OWNER unplugged my brother's list of songs and put his on. I finally
found someone with the same taste in music.I lost 20 % of my heart.
With every song that came up, he hummed as it played.I had found someone with same passion for music.Lost 20% more of it.
This
was enough for me to get into the observatory mode i get in for all
interesting people around me.I had my sub conscious mind working as he
spoke on phone, sang , argued,made jokes & even made a point over
how these particular group of men think too high of themselves and how
he wanted to beat them black and blue to which my brother went in
agreement.I smiled to myself saying "men will be men".
I
did not know then that he had a red hot career in martial arts.I could
have never guessed that, had i not googled him for the trek &
photography group he manages with the founder.I always knew that
my heart beats in octaves for the authoritative male species.There is
something so sexy about the fact that these kind of men think they can
handle even things that are more than handful.I dig the dominating men.Total 50 % loss of heart.
THE REMAINING 50 %
While we had this legendary burger at Hearsch bakery in Bandra
, it struck me that i could drag a conversation over Gokarna with him after this meet.So I made up my mind and asked him for details of his stay there.He being the ready- to-help guy as i heard of him from my brother, promised me that he would send me the details via message.
I JUST HAD TO KNOW THIS AFFABLE CHAP
I had already uncovered him being a Sagittarius on our way to Kala ghoda.I always believed saggis don't go well with a capricorn like me, even for a friend for that matter, forget about love compatibility !
I kept dragging the conversation on purpose all through after sending him a friend request over facebook via the messenger.
The more i started to know of him the more i went missing for my own self.I cared very little while all this performance at chatting was being delivered.None of my nerves regulating the common sense warned me about losing my sanity in the do.
I had lost a large chunk of my heart till then, say around 80 %
THE UNFATHOMABLE
In the very car drive itself i got the information out of him being a cusp of scorp-sagg with Pisces being his moon sign.Such a weird combination.A perfect mix for making of an unfathomable person one could experience.My zodiac trivia went for a toss this time around. I could not guess his trick shots and next steps which i usually do manage to calculate with everyone else.Intrigue has always made me put all my senses to work with 200% attention.
And with that i lost my heart. 100 %. Every single nerve of it.
With no idea of procurement of loss in case he won't respond with a positive and equal affirmation.
I still being a daring one ,again, managed to confront disclosing my relentless unconditional love for him.I had fallen head over heels this time around.I wonder how he does not fit the type of guys I get infatuated with, generally & still pulls me in only to get more & more involved.But I only wish it mattered to me anymore, it would have been easier to deal with the denial mode i am in currently over the rejection.I have been once again denied the return of love,after some 15 odd years.But not even once have I came up with a revengeful thought this time, I cannot afford to lose this for anything better or worse.This is something else.Something i feel i have endured all the difficulties till date to reach at, painstakingly bear all those romantic disappointments i came across earlier only so that i can experience this one.I doubt if I ever will be hit this badly hence forth in life.I am going stronger by each day but nothing on this earth has managed to convince me to burn that bridge i spent building with so much tenderness in those three months,they seem like 3000 years now.
I HAVE LOST IT, MY HEART & MY MIND !
& STRANGELY THIS TIME AROUND I REFUSE TO GET BACK TO THE GRIND,
GET CURED & WALK THE WALK.
TIME HAS STOPPED FOR ME,
NOW I ONLY WAIT FOR THE COSMOS TO FINISH WHAT IT STARTED.
Left with jus one thought lingering in my mind till the cosmos works up it's magic,
, it struck me that i could drag a conversation over Gokarna with him after this meet.So I made up my mind and asked him for details of his stay there.He being the ready- to-help guy as i heard of him from my brother, promised me that he would send me the details via message.
I JUST HAD TO KNOW THIS AFFABLE CHAP
I had already uncovered him being a Sagittarius on our way to Kala ghoda.I always believed saggis don't go well with a capricorn like me, even for a friend for that matter, forget about love compatibility !
I kept dragging the conversation on purpose all through after sending him a friend request over facebook via the messenger.
The more i started to know of him the more i went missing for my own self.I cared very little while all this performance at chatting was being delivered.None of my nerves regulating the common sense warned me about losing my sanity in the do.
I had lost a large chunk of my heart till then, say around 80 %
THE UNFATHOMABLE
In the very car drive itself i got the information out of him being a cusp of scorp-sagg with Pisces being his moon sign.Such a weird combination.A perfect mix for making of an unfathomable person one could experience.My zodiac trivia went for a toss this time around. I could not guess his trick shots and next steps which i usually do manage to calculate with everyone else.Intrigue has always made me put all my senses to work with 200% attention.
And with that i lost my heart. 100 %. Every single nerve of it.
With no idea of procurement of loss in case he won't respond with a positive and equal affirmation.
I still being a daring one ,again, managed to confront disclosing my relentless unconditional love for him.I had fallen head over heels this time around.I wonder how he does not fit the type of guys I get infatuated with, generally & still pulls me in only to get more & more involved.But I only wish it mattered to me anymore, it would have been easier to deal with the denial mode i am in currently over the rejection.I have been once again denied the return of love,after some 15 odd years.But not even once have I came up with a revengeful thought this time, I cannot afford to lose this for anything better or worse.This is something else.Something i feel i have endured all the difficulties till date to reach at, painstakingly bear all those romantic disappointments i came across earlier only so that i can experience this one.I doubt if I ever will be hit this badly hence forth in life.I am going stronger by each day but nothing on this earth has managed to convince me to burn that bridge i spent building with so much tenderness in those three months,they seem like 3000 years now.
I HAVE LOST IT, MY HEART & MY MIND !
& STRANGELY THIS TIME AROUND I REFUSE TO GET BACK TO THE GRIND,
GET CURED & WALK THE WALK.
TIME HAS STOPPED FOR ME,
NOW I ONLY WAIT FOR THE COSMOS TO FINISH WHAT IT STARTED.
Left with jus one thought lingering in my mind till the cosmos works up it's magic,
Be Careful What You Ask For, You Might Get It !
Ohhh..!!
ReplyDeleteIt looks like i will be the 1st one to comment..
I absolutely loved reading this post..you tried something new.!! Good work..! Keep writing..!!
THUMPS UP .!!!
Thankiyooooooo aduuu ! Made my year :)
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